Another year over, or: Third time unlucky

“Another year over,” sang John Lennon, “and what have you done?” (Well, if you re-arrange the lyrics he did.) Failed to reach 100 films, that’s what.

Well… There’s a first time for everything. It had to happen sooner or later. There are many more fish in the sea– wait, what? Anyone got more accurate clichés to add?

As at least one person kindly pointed out on Twitter, reaching 94 films isn’t a poor effort really. And there’s still plenty of reviews from 2009 left to write and post — just look at that lengthy coming soon page! And I shall, as ever, be posting my highs and lows of my viewing year, plus the complete list and a bunch of largely pointless statistics, just as soon as I get a chance to put all that together.

So, a new decade begins. Fingers crossed for at least 1,000 new films…

2009’s summary posts will be republished in November.

2009 In Retrospect

Introduction

2009’s well and truly over (well, aside from the 20 reviews I still haven’t posted), so it’s time to reflect on what has been.

It’s been a somewhat inauspicious year for 100 Films, actually, failing to make the titular target for the first time and not necessarily seeing a great many classic films along the way. 2007’s Top Ten held undeniable classics like Brief Encounter and Citizen Kane, while 2008’s managed the likes of Rashomon, Notorious, and the 9th greatest film of all time [as of 2015, it’s gone back up to 4th]. I don’t mean to spoil this year’s lot, but it looks kinda tame and modern (70% come from the last three years) by comparison.

Equally, whereas the first two years saw just a single one-star film each, this year (as noted in my previous summary post) I’ve awarded four. Clearly my recent viewing choices leave something to be desired — indeed, for all of this I have only myself to blame.

In case you forgot…

As regular readers are undoubtedly aware — but it doesn’t do any harm to re-emphasise — both the Bottom Five and Top Ten are based on what I’ve seen for the first time this year, not what was released this year (hence why I was wittering on about not having many all-time-classics to include). To this end, you can see the list of contenders here, which I’m certain includes some that are bafflingly absent from what follows.

Each of the Top Ten comes with a further recommendation, also plucked from this year’s viewing, of a film that is in some way similar. Why? I’m not sure, it just seemed a good idea. They are not numbers 11 to 20 in my favour.

And with that out of the way for another year, here are the lists:

The Five Worst Films I’ve Seen in 2009

Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour
My original review was more verbose than this ‘movie’ deserves, so let me sum it up in one word: tosh.

AVPR – Aliens vs Predator: Requiem
AVP was pretty rubbish, but AVPR performs the impressive feat of turning its predecessor into a pleasurable memory. As I said in my original review, “the inconceivably thorough degradation of a once-great franchise is its greatest crime.”

Alone in the Dark
Makes AVPR look good. Actually, it doesn’t — I don’t think anything could — but if forced I’d still rather re-watch those franchises being destroyed than suffer through this incomprehensible and unexciting mess another time.

Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic
Comedy should be funny. That’s pretty much a basic principle, I’m sure everyone will agree. Whether it’s also cutting-edge, old-fashioned, gentle, satirical, offensive or comfortable, it at least needs to be funny. Which, in this film, Silverman isn’t.

Sherlock: Case of Evil
This wins the final spot over the likes of Transporter 3, The Man in the Iron Mask, The Red Riding Trilogy and Cinderella simply because it was so wiped from my mind I had to look up my own review to remember what it was. Case of Evil is moderately passable in itself, but by being literally forgettable it earns a place here.

The Ten Best Films I’ve Seen For the First Time in 2009

10) Rage
Just sneaking in at the outside edge of my top ten is Rage. It looked like a film I wouldn’t really enjoy — a full feature-length of fashion industry people nattering to camera while exciting events took place off screen — but a high-quality cast and the fact it was free persuaded me. I’m glad it did, because I actually enjoyed it immensely. Sometimes I do like gimmicks, and this one works.
See also: The Knack …And How to Get It, because it’s the next-most experimental/arty thing (that isn’t also in this top ten).

9) Alien Resurrection
I ummed and ahhed over this, but in the end Resurrection beat the other two Alien sequels into my top ten. Is Aliens a better film? Probably. Well, certainly. But Resurrection is under-loved and, in my view, a little gem… in it’s own twisted, dark kind of way.
See also: Aliens, obviously.

8) Culloden
The faux-documentary is everywhere these days, but few are quite as original as Peter Watkins’ 1964 effort. Instead of comedically covering a fake band/movie/dog show, Watkins presents a real historical event as if it’s been covered by a modern-day current affairs programme. The concept is executed consistently and flawlessly, while even on a small BBC budget he manages to craft epic and affecting battle scenes.
See also: Paths of Glory, for more wartime miscarriages of justice.

7) Star Trek
I’m no Star Trek fan, and that’s one of the main reasons this latest franchise entry makes my top ten: it’s not the Second Coming some seem set on celebrating it as, but it’s a fine action-adventure that I actually enjoyed — more than I can say for most of Trek. It’s also distinctly fun, in the bright, colourful, occasionally a little silly vein, a quality that’s in disappointingly short supply among modern blockbusters.
See also: Avatar, also bright and colourful, but woefully over-hyped.

6) Rock n Roll Nerd
Perhaps enjoyment of this depends on your opinion of Tim Minchin, but even if you’re not a fan (yep, I hear there are some people who don’t like him) it remains an interesting glimpse behind the scenes of the world of stand-up comedy (part of it anyway), alongside the journey of a sudden rise to fame and a sweet domestic ‘subplot’.
See also: Commentary! The Musical for more behind-the-scenes-styled comedy songs.

5) For All Mankind
Two documentaries mark the mid-point of this year’s top ten, but this just edges in the lead because of its Importance and poetic beauty. The story of the Apollo missions is told effectively if sparely, but it’s the visuals that are the real joy here.
See also: In the Shadow of the Moon tells the same story, but with the astronauts’ recollections decades later.

4) Son of Rambow
There’s something about Son of Rambow… The shape of the story is familiar, the lessons learnt hardly new, and some of the sillier subplots rub incongruously against the realist primary narrative. And yet none of that matters because it’s beautifully written, directed and performed, full of skill and charm, amusing and moving in equal measure. And personally, I quite like barmy subplots.
See also: Stand By Me, another set-in-the-past boyhood coming-of-age tale.

3) Watchmen: Director’s Cut
I’ve barred myself from giving this the top spot because, as noted in my review of the theatrical cut, I still can’t be certain my opinion of the film is divorced from my opinion of the novel: so faithful is Snyder’s adaptation, so indicative was the trailer and other pre-release coverage, that even watching it for the first time it felt like I’d seen it before. It’s flawed, but it’s also brilliant.
See also: Batman (1966), an equally divisive superhero movie. Totally different, mind.

2) In Bruges
Looking over my whole top ten this year, there’s a bit of a “it’s not for everyone” theme developing. With its foul language, extreme violence, politically incorrect humour and somewhat inconclusive ending, In Bruges undoubtedly falls into that category. But for anyone who can stomach those things it’s a wonderfully entertaining film in every respect. A bit like my #1…
See also: Ripley’s Game, another Europe-set hitman thriller with a comic edge.

1) Inglourious Basterds
Tarantino’s latest seems to have been quite divisive with audiences, possibly due to misaligned expectations. As a blast — or, rather, several blasts — of pure cinema, resplendent with a cornucopia of irregular screen tricks and motifs scattered throughout with carefree abandon, it’s an awful lot of fun. Unlikely to best Reservoir Dogs or Pulp Fiction for mainstream acceptance, perhaps, but there’s something for every kind of cineast in here.
See also: The Thief of Bagdad, equally episodic, playful and joyously filmic.

Special Mentions

As ever, I can’t end this without mentioning the 17 films that earned themselves 5-star ratings this year (including some that are yet to have reviews published). Six of them made it into the top ten: For All Mankind, In Bruges, Inglourious Basterds, Rage, Son of Rambow, and Watchmen: Director’s Cut. Normally I’d just list the others, but first I’m going to pick out two that came closer than most to cracking the top ten: The Great Dictator and The Thief of Bagdad. I suppose that makes them 11 and 12. The remaining nine included: Aliens, Anne Frank Remembered, La Antena, The Apartment, Glory, Paths of Glory, Watchmen (failing to make the top ten because of the Director’s Cut), and Where the Sidewalk Ends.

Finally, the 17th was Blade Runner: The Final Cut. As with Leon last year, I didn’t feel justified including in my Top 10 a film so similar to a version I’d previously seen. As it was excluded from consideration, then, it gets its own paragraph here.

Additionally, I felt five-stars were deserved by a few films I’d seen before (The Birds, Some Like It Hot, Flash Gordon) and one alternate cut (Alien: The Director’s Cut), not to mention two shorts: The Lunch Date and Commentary! The Musical.

More randomly, well done to X-Men Origins: Wolverine for finally putting a film under ‘X’ on my review list; and to The X Files sequel for doubling the number. Just ‘Y’ left to fill…

The Films I Didn’t See

As I’m certain you’re aware, this isn’t a Top 10 of 2009 (only of my 2009), but new films do feature, and with that in mind there were a number of notable releases that I’ve yet to see.

In my annual tradition, then, here’s an alphabetical list of 50 films (listed as 2009 on IMDb) that I’ve missed this year. These have been chosen for a variety of reasons, from box office success to critical acclaim via simple notoriety.

2012
(500) Days of Summer
9
The Boat That Rocked
Brüno
A Christmas Carol
Coraline
District 9
Drag Me to Hell
An Education
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Fast & Furious
The Final Destination
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Glorious 39
The Hangover
The Hurt Locker
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
In the Loop
The Informant!
The International
The Invention of Lying
Invictus
Jennifer’s Body
Julie & Julia
Knowing
Monsters vs. Aliens
Moon
Nine
Paranormal Activity
The Princess and the Frog
The Proposal
Public Enemies
Push
The Road
A Serious Man
Sherlock Holmes
The Soloist
St. Trinian’s 2: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold
The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3
Taking Woodstock
Terminator Salvation
This Is It
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
Up
Where the Wild Things Are
Year One

A Final Thought

“It’s the end, but the moment has been prepared for…”

See, 2010’s already begun!

2009: The Full List

Introduction

So, 2009… the first year I failed to reach my stated goal. Still, I saw 94 new films and bothered to review several others — and here’s a full alphabetical list of the lot of ’em!


The Full List

Airplane! (1980)
Aliens (1986)
Alien³ (1992)
Alien Resurrection (1997)
Alone in the Dark (2005)
An American in Paris (1951)
Angels & Demons (2009)
Anne Frank Remembered (1995)
La Antena (2007)
The Apartment (1960)
Ashes of Time Redux (1994/2008)
Avatar (2009)
AVP: Alien vs. Predator (2004)
AVPR – Aliens vs Predator: Requiem (2007)
Babel (2006)
Batman (1966)
Big Nothing (2006)
Blade Runner: The Final Cut (1982/2007)
Brute Force (1947)
Children of Heaven (1997)
Cinderella (1965)
Copycat (1995)
Culloden (1964)
Dark Floors (2008)
Eastern Promises (2007)
Exiled (2006)
Fatal Instinct (1993)
A Few Good Men (1992)
Flags of Our Fathers (2006)
Flesh for Frankenstein (3D) (1973)
For All Mankind (1989)
For Your Consideration (2006)
Friday the 13th Part III (3D) (1982)
Glory (1989)
The Great Dictator (1940)
Hamlet (2009)
Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour (3D) (2008)
Hard Candy (2005)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
High Anxiety (1977)
High Society (1956)
In Bruges (2008)
In the Shadow of the Moon (2007)
Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Insomnia (2002)
Jumper (2008)
The Kite Runner (2007)
The Knack …And How to Get It (1965)
The Lady from Shanghai (1947)
Lethal Weapon (1987)
The Man in the Iron Mask (1998)
Marnie (1964)
Michael Clayton (2007)
Murder on the Orient Express (1974)
No Country For Old Men (2007)
Paths of Glory (1957)
Predator 2 (1990)
Rage (2009)
Red Riding: 1974 (2009)
Red Riding: 1980 (2009)
Red Riding: 1983 (2009)
The Right Stuff (1983)
Ripley’s Game (2002)
Rock n Roll Nerd (2008)
Runaway Train (1985)
Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic (TV edit) (2005)
Saw (2004)
Saw II (2005)
Saw III (2006)
Saw IV (2007)
Seance on a Wet Afternoon (1964)
Shadow of the Vampire (2000)
Sherlock (2002)
Sherlock Holmes in Washington (1943)
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)
Solaris (2002)
Son of Paleface (1952)
Son of Rambow (2007)
Stand By Me (1986)
Star Trek (2009)
State of Play (2009)
Stranger on the Third Floor (1940)
The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974)
There Will Be Blood (2007)
The Thief of Bagdad (1940)
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
Transporter 3 (2008)
Wallander: Before the Frost (2005)
Wallander: Mastermind (2005)
Watchmen (2009)
Watchmen: Director’s Cut (2009)
Where the Sidewalk Ends (1950)
The X Files: I Want to Believe – Director’s Cut (2008)
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

Alternate Cuts
Alien: The Director’s Cut (1979/2003)

Other Reviews
The Birds (1963)
Flash Gordon (1980)
Predator (1987)
Some Like It Hot (1959)

Shorts
Commentary! The Musical (2008)
Cut (2009)
The Gruffalo (2009)
The Lunch Date (1990)
The World of Tomorrow (1998)
The Wraith of Cobble Hill (2005)


The Full Statistics

In the end, I watched 94 new feature films in 2009, the first year I’ve failed to reach 100.

I watched three features I’d seen before that were extended or altered in some way. Two of them even factored in the main list. I also reviewed four films I’d seen before. (All 99 films are included in the statistics that follow, unless otherwise indicated.)

I also watched six shorts this year, which by some coincidence falls exactly mid-way between the number I saw in 2007 and the number I saw in 2008. Exciting stuff. (Shorts aren’t counted, except the total total running time.)

The total running time of new features was 166 hours and 51 minutes. The total running time of all features and shorts was 177 hours and 44 minutes.

I saw 6 films at the cinema this year, including, for the first time, one in 3D. That’s far beaten by the number of new films I saw on DVD though, which stands at 29 (rising by just one if counting extended/altered films, five if counting all features). Surprisingly, however, that’s also soundly beaten by the number I watched on TV: 44, including 8 in HD and, appropriately, 3 in 3D. This compares to 14 in 2007 and 10 last year, making 2009 a highly unusual year by comparison. Otherwise, I watched 8 via download, 6 on Blu-ray and 1 via online streaming, which is a first (for a feature-length film) for me. VHS has finally disappeared however, dropping steadily from five in 2008 to two last year, and now to zero.

The most popular decade this year was, as ever, the 00s, with 51 films. Of the rest, 10 were made in the 90s, 12 in the 80s, 5 in the 70s, 8 in the 60s, and 6 each in the 40s and the 50s. The oldest film on this year’s list dates from 1940. (Where alternate cuts offer up multiple decades (Ridley Scott, I’m looking at you) only the decade of production/original release is counted.)

My average score was 3.7, equal to 2007’s and 0.1 higher than 2008’s. Seems I’m consistent. This year that average comes from 21 five-star films (up on both previous years) and 4 one-star films, the first year I’ve doled out more than one of the latter. The majority of films, as usual, scored four stars (there were 42 of them this year). There were also 21 three-star films (down on 2008, which was down on 2007) and 11 two-star films (in the same ballpark).

15 films appear on the IMDb Top 250 Films at the time of writing, which is slightly up from last year. Their positions range from 28th (Avatar) to 231st (Glory). From Empire’s Top 10 of 2009 (only to be found buried away here, apparently) I’ve managed just two. As ever, there are too many other lists around to consider them all.

At the end of both 2007 and 2008 I included lists of 50 notable films I’d missed from that year’s releases. With all of 2009 taken into account, I’ve managed to see four more from 2007 (bringing the total number seen from that 50 to just 21), and, equally, a mediocre four from 2008’s list (shamefully, I actually own or have recorded 14 of the remaining 46). Hopefully further films from both lists will crop up in 2010.

A total of 87 directors appear on this year’s list, as well as two partnerships (both pairs of brothers) and two directing teams. Topping the list of those with multiple films is Darren Lynn Bousman with three (all Saw sequels), while there’s two apiece for James Cameron, Alfred Hitchcock, Rob Reiner, Ridley Scott and Billy Wilder. Zack Snyder also appears twice, with two cuts of the same film.

35 of the films are currently in my DVD/Blu-ray collection (plus four of the shorts).


Still to come…

I’m not done with 2009 yet. Aside from 21 outstanding reviews (by which I mean they’ve yet to be posted, not that they’re exceptionally good), there’s my Top 10 and Bottom 5 of what I saw this year. All of that to follow shortly… or, y’know, one day…

The end is nigh…

No, this isn’t a review of 2012, or any of the numerous other apocalyptic blockbusters that are foisted on us every year. Nor the Watchmen Ultimate Cut, which has that famous phrase of doom and gloom plastered over its back cover. No, this is simply an observation (and little more than that, I’m afraid) that there are a mere 31 days of 2009 left. Indeed, 31 days of this decade.

Cripes.

So, with such limited time remaining, my yearly goal is once again under threat. Long gone are the days of reaching 100 films in September, t’would seem. But fear not, faithful reader, for this time last year I’d only made it to 81, meaning I’m just one behind myself (#80 was Transformers 2. Look, there’s a review already! Isn’t it impressive that I reviewed it on Blu-ray before it was even in the shops? … What do you mean “no”?) — and last year I did indeed make it to 100… just.

20 films, 31 days. Considering my average so far (7.3 films per month) I should only make it to 87. Well, 87.3. But, what was that? Yes, I’m only one behind last year and I did it then (did I say that already?)

Heck, maybe I’ll even push it to 101 this year.

[I didn’t.]

2009’s summary posts will be republished in November.

“Not because it is easy, but because it is hard”

The fact that man has been to the Moon is undoubtedly one of the most significant achievements of the last century. This pair of documentaries cover the journey there in different but complementary ways.

2009 #40
In the Shadow of the Moon

“The telling is dominated by the words of the actual astronauts, describing their personal experiences and feelings. Rather than following a mission-by-mission chronology it mixes all their stories together, thereby telling the tale of a journey to the Moon and exploring its surface only once.” Read more…

2009 #42
For All Mankind

“aims to recreate the feeling and experience of travelling to the moon, not the hard facts of who went when and how it was done. As such it is both beautiful and artistic, featuring stunning photography that has been sensitively edited and scored.” Read more…


Also note The Right Stuff, the fact-based drama that tells the story of the men who paved the way for the Apollo missions.

It’s halfway through 2009!

“But it’s September!” I hear you cry in response to my patently ludicrous title. “That’s not halfway through the year by any reasonable measure!” No, it isn’t — but it is (if you haven’t already guessed) the point at which I’ve seen 50 new films in 2009 (at last!); the halfway mark (obviously) of my annual goal. Yep, I’m more behind than Usain Bolt running in the wrong direction.

But still, I’ve had my reasons, and thankfully most of them are done with (cheerio dissertation!) Now I intend to launch a concerted effort to make up the remaining 50 and hit 100 before the year’s out, an aim I’ve yet to fail. (To be fair, I’ve only tried twice.)

But you know what they say about good intentions — they litter the path to not having seen enough films in a year.

Do You Wanna Date James Cameron’s Avatar?

It’s always fun to mush news stories together for potentially comedic effect.*

So when I heard, on the same day, of the expected success of the trailer for James Cameron’s Avatar (or, as I’ve taken to calling it, Phantom Menace 2: This Time Everyone’s Jar Jar) and the surprising success of The Guild’s music video for (Do You Wanna Date My) Avatar… well, I couldn’t help seeing what would happen were the two to collide…


* I’ll leave it to you to decide if this example is successful.

July 2009

100 Films has moved…

No, not the blog — just me.

Yes, it is a dastardly inaccurate title; a lacklustre — nay, pathetic — excuse for a gag; or, perhaps more accurately, a weak hook for a long-delayed update. And it was going to be called “Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated”, a Mark Twain misquote that I’d just been researching, hence words like “dastardly” and “nay”.

So, one month on from my last post, and at around 58% of the way through 2009 I find the actions toward my titular aim floundering this year — never mind the last post, it’s been over a month since I actually watched a film. I have my reasons — well, excuses — but as I’m really my only taskmaster I shall keep them to myself. Unless you want to know the mundanities of moving house, my new TV, or our new ickle doggy-woggy? (You don’t.)

I’m at 38 films, then, which is 10 worse than this point last year. As regular readers with strong memories may recall, the end of last year saw a bit of a rush to reach 100 in the dying days of December (11 new films in the final six days, I believe it was), so being ten behind already doesn’t bode too well. (The fact that I’m 31 behind this point in 2007 doesn’t bear thinking about.)

I could witter on with precise how-many-films-per-day-to-catch-up statistics-like things (I know, I normally do), but instead I shall probably twitter on about it at some point (do you see what I did there? Almost as good as the title, isn’t it) and… well, maybe I’ll even actually watch some films. Perish the thought.

Sit-rep (or, ‘In want of a better title’)

The start of April — which I know is nine days away, before you think I’m barking — marks the end of the year’s first quarter in just about every way possible (meaning in months, weeks and days). Unfortunately, it looks unlikely that the same will be said for this year’s attempt at 100 films.

To be on target I should have seen 25 films by that point (obviously). Unfortunately, I have only reached 9. (There’s almost a nice bit of symmetry there, as it’s nine days away… except if I’d decided to post this a day earlier or a day later that would be nonexistent, so it’s utterly meaningless.) On top of that, many of those I have seen remain unreviewed, and the last review I posted was hardly of high quality. Or much quality at all, really. It’s been so long since I’ve seen some of these that the reviews will be completed merely from quick notes made at the time and fading memories. Hopefully they won’t be quite as weak as that Some Like It Hot one though…

Once again, I won’t bore you with the reasons and excuses for this shortfall — though there are many readily available should anyone, for reasons known only unto themselves, actually be interested. What is almost worthy of note, however, is that today is the first day of a five-week holiday for me (the perks of still being a lazy student, yes); and while I still have work to be getting on with (yes, us lazy students do still do that. Sometimes), I’m afforded more time to… well, catch up on TV. But then films.

And, from this weekend, I’ll have near-exclusive access to a pleasantly large television — much, much bigger than the one I’m usually lumbered with — for two whole weeks. There are certain never-seen DVDs that are screaming for the chance to be watched on it. Plus The Dark Knight as close to IMAX as I’m likely to get for a while. And a chance to re-evaluate Quantum of Solace now that it’s on DVD. But I digress…

A definite chance to catch up, that’s the point. Of course, as I’m already 14 films behind where I should be as of today (worked out with some fiendishly complex maths, that), the ‘catching up’ might be more ‘damage limitation’…

Watchmen 2: a couple of suggestions

After finding Total Film’s humourous suggestions for a Watchmen sequel a little lacking in the funniness department, I thought I’d jot down a few myself. It doesn’t mean they’re actually any better, obviously, but it kept me amused for a few minutes.

Betcha can’t spot all the references…

The Watchmen Strike Back
In which the Watchmen form a rebel alliance to fight crime and try to repeal the Keene Act! Sounds depressingly plausible…

The Watchmen: Part II
Split between shocking events of the present day (which, for the viewer, is still the past) and flashbacks to the beginnings in an even-more-past New York. Oh, wait, that’s the first film…

Watchmen: The Superhero Who Shagged Me
The first one deconstructed the genre, the second spoofs it! Hey, it can’t be any worse than Superhero Movie… probably…

Watchmen Supremacy
Modern-day version that induces motion sickness.

2 Watch 2 Men
In which the least memorable lead from the first film goes on some redeeming mission for no reason other than more ‘cool’ action sequences. Stars Silk Spectre, but no one else.

Watchmen 2: Judgement Day
In which the bad guy turns out to be a good guy and an implausible nuclear explosion destroys a major US city. Oh, wait…

Watchmens
“Get away from her you bitch!”, screams Nite Owl as Ozymandias tries to steal his woman.

Watchmen to the Future Part II
Dr Manhattan takes everyone to the future, and then back into the events of the first film, and into the past, and things get mucked up, and the present starts getting erased, and then the future’s different too, and it barely makes sense but it’s still pretty good. And then it ends with them in the Wild West.

Watchmen Reloaded
In which things get even more convoluted and pretentious. Most likely option, then. No need to do the rubbish sex scene set to inappropriate music in the sequel this time though.

Watchmen: The Two Towers
I think leaving it at that is insensitive enough.

W2 (or, in the US ad campaign only, W2: Watchmen United)
Bigger, better, and even more focussed on The One Everyone Liked (i.e. Rorschach). Refuses to resolve his plot line, but then doesn’t do it in a third film (directed by Uwe Boll as Snyder goes on to relaunch V For Vendetta) because Watchmen Origins: Rorschach is scheduled for a couple of years later.

The Dark Nite Owl
Just had to get that one in there.